Wanderlust.

What I wouldn't give for a feeling of seperation right now. To be where no one can follow me is sometimes what i desire in life. Completely in that moment, not distracted by other people or problems. I find it impossible to fully enjoy the present when so many other things seem to take precedence. No one is content to just be where they are, always making plans for what to do next, what to see, what to feel. How can i possibly feel alive when the point of life seems to be to plan to live rather than actual living itself.

Running, Returning

You stand so far away lake's in the distance, top of bails of hay, breeze dream clouds thick and white, kite, wind against the bow, No matter how far we sail.

Bees, leaves, hives go fly with flies, in and out, petals and stems, stitches and hems, us's and thems. Collected by friends, and spread amongst the then, while others seem to pretend that make believe is when image left with men is painted with a pen, and time's left to Big Ben.




Hold back your thought, among silence rhythms are taught, the end of the line, a trout you have caught, flipping and sticking to bits of hay, slipping in skin, reflecting the day, it's only a picture, there's not much to say.

i love you all the time

Life itself is a completely contradictory and unexplainable thing. What makes a person act the way they do? How are people so different from one another when we all inhabit the same earth? Is the purpose of life not the same for everyone? If our struggle truly is the quest for ultimate truth, then the answer is not found in this life or any other form of physical being. Human life in its simplest form can be classified as the search for one transcendental experience after another. Is it possible, however, to actually reach a state of nirvana? Our life is marked with such lines and creases that to reach such a state of pure ecstasy would seem a criminal thing.

in retrospect

is it good to hold on to things from the past? ive got two different scenarios going, which is a bad thing. a feeling so strong its all i can think about and yet is so distant that sometimes i forget that it was actually there in the first place. and then this thing i have going now. im not really sure how this one started, maybe we are wrong or maybe i am just oblivious. sometimes i feel blinded by memories, so much so that i cant even enjoy the present.


i always find myself thinking "what could have been?" and it hurts everytime to have the same answer, "nothing, nothing could have been." i wish i just had another chance, to do what differently, i dont know. i just feel so discontent with how things are now and i feel bad being like this. there is this dread inside me that says, if i waste what i have now, i will just keep creating this type of situation for myself over and over again. i need to put the past behind me, but the problem is, i dont want to.

enough is enough

ive come to the conclusion that no one in this world is really unique. no matter how much you try to stand out, there is always someone who does it better and flashier than you. i know im not anything special, i used to think i was a unique girl, but as i get older and observe more of the people around me, ive noticed that there really is no such thing as unique. im so tired of those people who exploit trends and the meanings of things they dont understand so they can look "cool". what is cool anyways, infact this journal entry is so cliche. i guess everyone seems to have a different interpretation of the word, personally i have never met anyone that i think is actually cool. to me cool means there is something in you that isnt found anywhere else. ive come to realize that that is impossible, now im just waiting for everyone else in the world to realize this too.

through the looking glass

I feel so strange today. im sitting outside on the balcony watching the wind go by but its odd because im not taking any of it in. im trying to concentrate on the beauty of the summer day around me but my mind is suspened elsewhere. its trapped in a long and dark tunnel with no end. people keep telling me to keep going and that there is always a light at the end, but as of now i am clueless to where it is hidden. maybe im just running in circles, too confused to know whats right from left. ive tried to just turn around, to go back and follow the trail of bread crumbs i left behind me, but they seem to have been eaten along the way.




i suppose though, its for the best. i got myself into this mess and im gonna have to see it through to the end. its just so hard. i dont know how long ive been traveling and i dont know how far all of this will take me. i lost my passport ages ago. and i cant stand to see it, too see him. it seems everyones life is going on normal around me and im just stuck inside this glass cage with no door. i dont know how i got in and i have no idea how to get back out. i wake up every morning thinking, maybe this is the day i will finally step out of my skin. do something great thats worth a hello, and its so disappointing when i go to bed at night knowing that today wasnt that day.