in retrospect

is it good to hold on to things from the past? ive got two different scenarios going, which is a bad thing. a feeling so strong its all i can think about and yet is so distant that sometimes i forget that it was actually there in the first place. and then this thing i have going now. im not really sure how this one started, maybe we are wrong or maybe i am just oblivious. sometimes i feel blinded by memories, so much so that i cant even enjoy the present.


i always find myself thinking "what could have been?" and it hurts everytime to have the same answer, "nothing, nothing could have been." i wish i just had another chance, to do what differently, i dont know. i just feel so discontent with how things are now and i feel bad being like this. there is this dread inside me that says, if i waste what i have now, i will just keep creating this type of situation for myself over and over again. i need to put the past behind me, but the problem is, i dont want to.