webster

i want to know...
who wrote the dictionary?

im dying here and you keep walking

And the sky is wrecked, full of rotting clouds
From chimney mouths spewing smoke around
And I can't stop coughing
My lungs just won't calm down
But still I keep grinning
As the blood from my face stains the ground


But I was blessed with bad eyes
There's a lot that I miss but I don't mind, I'm not that old
I'll find out what broke me soon enough

tonight, this is how i feel.

one flew over the cuckoo's nest

its like a schedule, my life. i'm in a mental hospital. stick to the walls, sweep the floors, keep my eyes down. everyone knows im deaf, everyone knows im dumb. turn on the fog machines, give me my red capsule, strap me to the bed. you are the big nurse, i am the chief.

born to please

i feel like wherever i go, it is impossible to find someone that is completely selfless. there is no person who simply wants to be with me because they think i make good comapy? of course, someone may like to hang out with me, but only when there is no better offer. every human being is like this. i can almost gaurantee that if a person was given the opportunity to visit with their oldest friend or with a famous celebrity, they would all pick the celebrity. this same concept goes for daily life. personally, anyone who takes the time of day to hang out with me at all is worth my love and care. i am so grateful that there is anyone at all who tolerates me. however, it is times like these that make me need to feel more than tolerated, dare i say loved or wanted?

of course, i do know that through all the fog and hopeless delusions i still have one person who will always stay by my side. i owe my life to my mother.

mortality

I ride these ropes alone
beneath the sulfur sky
everywhere I roam
life is one big lie .