cat like theif

I feel like I'm writing my suicide note, thinking here that this may be my last opportunity to tell you how I really feel. We've always connected on paper so I guess this letter is the best way, I probably couldn't face you in person anyways.

Its been over a year since I met you, yet each time I see you, I feel like its the first. If I was you I would think I'm just an emotional, attention-seeking slut, and I'm not here to try and change any opinions you have of me. But I've been trying so hard to forget you, to try and connect to others. No one has made me feel the same way that I felt when I was with you. Before I go on though, I really want to tell you that I'm not trying to come back crying or begging for you affections, I guess the reason I'm writing is that, if nothing else, at least I can set things right with myself.

We don't talk anymore, and honestly it kills a part of me each night. Life is colorless now, my days pass by in short bursts. So many things have happened since I met you and I wish I could go back to being that innocent girl, trying to prove myself to you. But everything inside of me has been broken and its impossible to go back. Hopefully I am good at hiding myself , I make sure everyday that no one can see the real me, I haven't put myself down on paper like this in months. Its like I can't formulate words anymore, I've got cracked ribs, twisted ankles, and a broken heart. But the worst part is, I don't even remember how they got this way.

The truth is, I don't really know what I'm trying to say to you. I think about all the things I wish I could tell you each night and now that the time has come, I can hardly put pen to paper. All the words I can't say, the words that once upon a time I could have said to you. I can't write them, or maybe I just won't write them, but I can feel them. Everyday, all the time I never stop feeling them. I guess its for the best though, because it's what is between the words that I care about anyway.

So in conclusion I guess this is goodbye, or something like it. You can laugh at me or ignore me but it doesn't really matter, at least I've finally been honest with myself after all this time. I'll never cherish anything more than the memory I have of you. Heaven knows I'm miserable now, but in the end I hope you'll always find a reason to smile.