I'm so tired now that I don't know what to write... only the fact that I want to write. Again I feel your pull, the endless lull against my skin that never ceases. What have you done to me? Better yet, what have I done to myself? Here I am sitting, 3:33 a.m. listening to old songs. I've never put a face or a thing to a song, but rather a place, a feeling. I am longing for something that until now, I believed to have existed. Maybe it never did, or maybe I will just never feel it again. Was it youth, was it innocence? I don't think it could have ever been both, those two things haven't existed simultaneously since I was very, very little. All I know is that I want it back now, or to somehow create it for myself.

impossible day
i don’t complain
i’m over it i guess
scattered and grey so
i hold it back
and keep it sugarless

I feel like I'm 15 again. Craving your touch, reliving your kiss over and over again in my head. Who would have thought, that five years later I'd still be writing about you. I've been so nostalgic lately. When I wake up it seems as if I've never left. It feels as if all of this has just been a long dream. I can almost taste the air, the salty, dry air. I've been growing my hair out again. Its long, and tangled. That's how I like it, how I've always liked it. What wouldn't I give to go back. To go to that innocent time once again, where the whole world stretched out in front of me. Back when I felt like I could reach out and touch the sun, to let it soak into my skin.

years

I feel like its been years since i've written here. i have no all-saying picture, or philosophical quote to place with this one. life is moving on without me. i'm stuck in a time warp and i can't seem to get out.

two bottles of wine and i can't seem to shake it off. Am i making a mistake, am i doing it right? does anyone ever know? i miss her, i miss you, i can't stand him sometimes...